Are Time-Outs Bad for Kids?

Time-outs have been a staple of discipline for decades, but in recent years, they've come under scrutiny. Parenting experts, influencers, and even some therapists warn that time-outs can harm a child’s emotional well-being, damage the parent-child relationship, and feel like rejection. On the other hand, many behavior analysts and child psychologists argue that time-outs, when used correctly, can be an effective and developmentally appropriate strategy for managing challenging behavior.

As a parent, you probably don't have time to read into the research on time-outs and really just want the TL;DR on whether time-outs work and, more importantly, are they harmful to your child? This article takes a research-based look at what time-outs are, where they go wrong, and how to use them effectively, if at all. For a true TL;DR - scroll to the bottom for the summary.

What Is a Time-Out?

A time-out is a behavioral strategy that temporarily removes a child from an environment or activity following inappropriate behavior. The goal is not shame or punish your child, but to decrease the likelihood of the behavior happening again by removing access to to whatever that behavior was getting them (attention, a preferred activity, etc.).

Traditional time-outs usually involve having the child sit in a designated spot for a short period, often based on their age (one minute per year of age is a common guideline).

Why Do Some Experts Oppose Time-Outs?

Critics of time-outs often argue that they:

• Ignore the child's underlying emotions rather than teaching emotional regulation.

• Lead to feelings of rejection if the child perceives it as being "sent away" for expressing emotions.

• Can be overused or used punitively, making them ineffective or even harmful.

• Are unnecessary if parents use positive reinforcement and proactive strategies.

Some child development experts, particularly those in attachment-focused parenting spaces, suggest that time-outs can feel like social exclusion, which may increase distress rather than resolve the behavior.

What Does the Research Say?

Studies on time-outs generally support their effectiveness when used correctly. Research in behavioral psychology has shown that time-outs:

• Can reduce problematic behaviors in children when implemented consistently.

• Are not associated with long-term emotional harm when paired with warmth and positive parenting practices.

• Are most effective when they are brief, predictable, and paired with teaching appropriate behavior.

  
  

The American Psychological Association (APA) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) both recognize time-outs as a safe and effective disciplinary strategy when used appropriately.

Where Time-Outs Go Wrong

The problems with time-outs often stem from how they are implemented rather than the strategy itself. Some common mistakes include:

• Using time-outs as punishment rather than a teaching tool. If time-outs are framed as screaming "Go to your room until you behave," children may see them as punitive rather than corrective. Instead, time-outs should be framed as a brief break to help them reset, followed by guidance on what to do differently next time.

• Giving too much attention before or during the time-out. If parents engage in lengthy explanations, emotional reactions, or repeated warnings, the time-out loses its effectiveness. Your child may even learn that misbehavior leads to more interaction, which can unintentionally reinforce the very behavior parents are trying to decrease.

• Overusing time-outs instead of addressing the root cause of the behavior. Time-outs should not be the go-to response for every challenging behavior. If a child is frequently in time-out, it's a sign that other proactive strategies, such as reinforcement of appropriate behavior, skill-building, and environmental adjustments, need to be in place.

• Failing to ensure the "time-in" environment is reinforcing. Time-outs are only effective if the child wants to return to the activity or setting they were removed from. If a child doesn’t see the time-in environment as engaging or enjoyable (e.g., an overly restrictive classroom or a chaotic home setting), they may not care about leaving it, reducing the impact of the time-out.

• Accidentally making the time-out space more reinforcing than the time-in space. If a child is sent to their room where they have access to screens, toys, or other preferred activities, the time-out may become more enjoyable than the setting they were removed from—making it ineffective. Time-outs should take place in a neutral environment without distractions, ensuring that returning to the time-in environment is the preferred option.

  
  

How to Use Time-Outs Effectively

If parents choose to use time-outs, research suggests the following best practices:

• Use time-outs sparingly. They should not be the go-to strategy for every misbehavior but reserved for behaviors that are dangerous or disruptive.

• Keep them short and age-appropriate. A few minutes is usually enough. Long, drawn-out time-outs can be counterproductive.

• Stay calm and neutral. The purpose of a time-out is to remove reinforcement, not to shame or lecture the child.

• Pair time-outs with teaching. After the time-out, calmly remind the child of expected behavior and provide guidance on what to do differently next time.

Alternatives to Time-Outs

For parents who prefer not to use time-outs, there are other behavior management strategies that can be similarly effective:

• Redirection. Shifting the child’s attention to an appropriate activity can help prevent escalation.

• Natural consequences. Allowing children to experience the natural outcomes of their behavior can be a powerful learning tool.

• Teaching emotional regulation. Helping children name and manage their emotions can reduce the need for disciplinary action.

• Positive reinforcement. Encouraging and rewarding desired behaviors makes them more likely to occur.

TL;DR: The debate over time-outs isn’t really about whether they are inherently harmful, but whether they are used in a way that supports a child’s learning and emotional development. When done correctly, time-outs can be an effective tool for managing behavior. When used punitively or inconsistently, they can backfire.

Ultimately, parenting isn’t about finding a one-size-fits-all solution but choosing strategies that align with your child’s needs and your family’s values. If time-outs don’t work for your child, there are plenty of other ways to set limits and teach appropriate behavior. The key is to focus on connection, consistency, and teaching - not just discipline.